oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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