Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
