so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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