Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
