do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
