We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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