one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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