I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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