The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
