Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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