My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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