How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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