No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
