sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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