Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
