im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
