I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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