Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her vagine was all disorganized.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
