we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
