im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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