All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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