My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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