im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bring me that man meat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
