I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
