Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
