Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
