are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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