Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
