i permit you to call me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We need a shit load of segways right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
