Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
