things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
