Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pooping to opera.
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