Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
