His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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