My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
