Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
