why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
