wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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