Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
