So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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