then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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