she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I party with great urgency now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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