12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
