He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
