My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it penis luge time yet?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
