Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
