That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
