if i can run in heels then i can drive
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bring me that man meat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
