Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
