Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drake has all the answers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
