i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
