I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
