u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
