My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
