my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
