yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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