"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
