This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
