i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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