I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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