dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
